02/16/10 03:44 PM

I've never been to an Oncologist before.

Authored by Mom

Just the word oncologist conjurs up these images in one's mind. I don't even want to go there, what I thought when the nurse told me that my doctor was referring me to another doctor who was an oncologist. How about I just say I was scared. I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who is so confident, calming and comforting to me. He is more than I could ever ask for.

I went to all sorts of lengths to get in as soon as possible, because the link between two offices is often not in working order. Finding out information, getting an appointment, desperately hoping that someone would return a phone call is maddening. It's frustrating to the nth degree. I can't explain how tightly my hands were tied, or so I felt. No one was listening to me and no one would talk to me. I was completely out of control {and as my calm husband knows - I'd rather not be put in that position*, if at all possible, thank you}.

At the beginning of February I finally got through to someone, after several calls (a few resulting in tears from phone calls to the office staff - they must wake up on the wrong side of the bed too) and I was told I was scheduled for an appointment with the oncologist doctor on March 16th.

The pain that I had was come and go. It wasn't anything constant but more like popping up when I least expected it. It was however extremely intense. It was over the top. When I was in pain, it was overwhelming, coming whenever it pleased, never giving me any warning, nor asking me when the best time would be. The best time to double me over, writhing in pain, overdosing on pain killers, bringing me to the point of throwing up and passing out. It was bad.

I was sure I couldn't wait until the 16th of March for my appointment. But... doctors don't usually care what you can and can't wait for. And really, seriously, there are people out there with cancer that needed to be there. What was wrong with me? I didn't want to actually bump them out of their spot for my appointment. Oh, yes, I forgot I was going to the same cancer doctor.

Two weeks before my appointment, in my memory - a Friday, a nurse called to remind me about my appointment. On February 16th. Yes, February 16th and not March 16th. I asked about 10 times if she had gotten it wrong but she didn't. And my appointment was a month earlier than I had originally planned.

So, for this little control freak here (although I am not), the desire to do the controlling was great. For me, God was in this. For some reason, this particular appointment was moved up a month. A very serious appointment, with a physician in a hard-to-see specialty, while I was in pain, scared, and anxious was something that I wanted to happen now. Often what we want to happen, doesn't. And it's often a good thing too.

I had so much to do while waiting for the days to pass by. Mostly, I did a lot of praying. I prayed a lot. I mean, like a lot. And I tried to spend those days engaging in activities that were really meaningful. I guess that the word oncologist does that to you. I loved on my kids and husband. I was a teacher. I prayed. I walked on pins and some needles (wondering when pain would pop up again). I shared with our church and I was prayed for. I loved, taught, prayed, walked, and shared more.

A sweet, kind, comforting woman from our church came a few hours before the appointment to watch our babes while I was there. It was so comforting to me that they were in good care while I was being cared for. She came equipped with some videos, games, books and the knowledge of being a mom of 8, that she homeschools.

The time for my appointment was soon. I left. My husband met me there.

I'd never been to an oncologist before.

LIFE can CHANGE in an instant.

*Lest you think I am a total control freak, I'd like you know that I am not, in fact, in complete 100% control nor do I want to be. I actually like to be out of control sometimes. The key word: sometimes. *wink, wink*

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